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    繁花散尽, 落烟无痕


    我不知道若我一直在这里等你还会不会写出什么忧怨的文字,我也不知道你还会不会来这里看我这些凭空而来的哀伤。

    但我知道在你眼里我就象一本敞开的书,所有的生活与思想都清晰的写在以花为底的字里行间。那么再精致的书,再精彩的故事,再精细的人生,一再阅读后是否已象反复咀嚼过的甘蔗索然无味?那么让我合上它吧,希望你会在昂扬着奋斗的闲暇再眷顾我发黄扉页,再想起那些我与共同度过的时光。而离开你的我将默守着那些岁月尘封的字迹,守着那些曾有你呓语的梦境。
    Always together
    Forever apart

    你总是会问起我是否会想你?当想念变成一种习惯,对于我来说又是怎样的一种生活呢?
    清晨醒来时去感觉被你拥抱的柔软,听歌的时候会希望你也喜欢,做饭时会记起你说的蛏子和鱼,锻炼的时候想你说要我多运动身体才好,昨日切木瓜的时候依稀记得你用勺挖籽的样子。
    于是所有的日子都是你,那音乐是你,红酒是你,生蚝是你,读书是你,工作是你。。。。。。
    如果一切都是你,那是你的沉重是我的悲哀。遇见你我便很低很低,一直低到尘埃里去,但我的心是欢喜的,并且在那里开出一朵花来。你知道我一直最喜欢的两样东西,盛开的鲜花和绽放的烟花,那是神赐与大地和天空的美丽。美丽的东西总是稍纵即逝的对吗?未曾想过与君决绝,记得我,记得我说过我会带了许多的话题回来,与你。。。。。。

    Jessie
    July 16, 2008 Toronto

  • 竹坞无尘水槛清,相思迢递隔重城。秋阴不散霜飞晚,留得枯荷听雨声。

  •  
     

          Across the street the river runs
          Down in the gutter life is slipping away
          Let me still exist in another place
          Running under cover of a helicopter blade

          The flames are getting higher in effigy
          Burning down the bridges of my memory
          Love may still be alive somewhere someway
          Where theyre downing only deer
          A hundred steel towns away

          Oh rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum
          With the words i love you rolling off my tongue
          No never will I roam for I know my place is home
          Where the ocean meets the sky
          Ill be sailing

          Photographs and kerosene light up my darkness
          Light it up, light it up
          I can still feel the touch of your thin blue jeans
          Running down the alley Ive got my eyes all over you baby
          Oh baby

          Oh Ive got lightning in my veins
          Shifting like the handle of a slot machine
          Love may still exist in another place
          Im just yanking back the handle
          No expression on my face

          这首摇滚老公鸡的歌还是昨天在收音机里第一听到,
    震撼, 心跳随鼓点搏动. 在YouTube找到一个MV, 有一种反战的欲望.想起老师上课的时候说的, 加拿大驻军阿富汗的问题.加拿大从2001年起开始向阿富汗派驻军队,这是一个长期的承诺,持续到已经允诺的2009年2月,但对此后的继续驻军没有承诺。

  •  

    Get Me Through December


    How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
    As the changing of seasons prepares me again
    For the long bitter nights and the wild winter’s day
    My heart has grown cold my love stored away
    My heart has grown cold my love stored away

    I’ve been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow
    Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
    I’ve taken the pain no girl should endure
    Faith can move mountains of that I am sure
    But faith can move mountains of that I am sure

    Just get me through December
    A promise I’ll remember
    Get me through December
    So I can start again

    No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
    And peace is a gift that must come from within
    I’ve looked for the love that will bring me to rest
    Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
    Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
    Get me through December
    A promise I’ll remember
    Get me through December
    So I can start again

    6年以来Toronto最冷的一个冬季
    昨晚去town center买礼物,
    然后跑到后面看linght up, nothing
    穿单裤体验零下9度,风下零下12度的环境
    仰望漆黑的天空,寒冷的感觉无法呼吸
    今夜还有25厘米的降雪
    距离圣诞节还有10天了, 一个白色的圣诞
    给Santa写了长长的list
    我不要礼物我,只希望我的愿望可以实现


    Jessie
    Dec 15, 2007 Toronto

     



  • download

  • download

  • 有一种人,总是不停地寻找,寻找几生几世,仍然单身一人。 她只想拥有世界上最完美的东西,比如──纯净的爱情。 于百万人中,我找寻你,于百万年中,我找寻你,我深信我是你的那根肋骨,少了我,你会不会隐隐作痛;水消失在水里,你消失在人海里,下一世,我还要找到你!

    Stephanie Kirkham 来自英格兰西北部Lancashire的Ribble Valley。Stephanie Kirkham的声音随和而清新,跟Lene Marlin很类似。号称“森林精灵”。Stephanie Kirkham的曲子都是由她自己创作歌词,歌词描写的不是矫情的恋爱故事,也不哗众取宠,很像邻家女孩的淡淡倾诉。

    The warning came as it often did
    I felt no shame, played the game, you count, I hid
    When winter whispers in crisp morning air
    Chilled my spine, wouldn’t change my mind, I did not care
    How could I begin, oh, what I could not end?
    How could I be honest yet still pretend?
    Never in a million years could I forget you
    Never in a million years would I try
    Never in a million lives could we be parted
    Love like life never dies
    You spoke the truth, sometimes cutting like a knife
    Could run no-where, you stripped me bare and I could not fight
    Couldn’t cover my ears or close my eyes
    You’re in my heart, you help still my mind
    Never in a million years could I forget you
    Never in a million years would I try
    Never in a million lives could we be parted
    Love like life never dies
    You are my rock, you are my rock in shifting sand
    Whenever I’m sinking you’re there to take my hand
    You are my eyes in the blackest dark moon nights
    You are my strength, my guide and light
    You are my anchor to Mother Earth below
    When seas of change tried to swallow me whole
    Never in a million years could I forget you
    Never in a million years would I try
    Never in a million lives could we be parted
    Love like life never dies
    Love like life never dies



     


  • 通宵未眠,忆前尘旧事,哀悼我殇逝的华年。
                                                     ----题记

    从幻海淼淼的烟波中醒来,我有一丝的诧异,迷茫地痴怔住,依稀中本是清风明月里翩翩起舞的我,怎会静立于此,那月,那风,还有那缈缈的箫音呢?
    略微颔首,雾气下的水面映着的是一支水莲,婷婷润洁,袅袅清幽。这是我吗?我微微的颤动,疑惑的皱了皱眉,水莲花蕊就轻轻收拢,复又散开,一阵清馨的莲香漾起,沿水面蔓延,氤蕴着疏散开来,淡薄的雾气也沾染上这清雅的余韵,在水面上缓缓游弋。
    “还真是一支水莲呢,怎会遗忘了自己?”我讪笑着,有一丝迷幻的味道。一阵清凉的风柔柔的吹了过来,推开环绕着的薄雾,轻轻的晃动着我,随风舒展的莲叶摇曳成了一个个跳动的音符,清唱着无声的乐曲。我有些安然的享受着,任凭微风梳理着我的脸颊,在水嫩水嫩的花瓣上印出淡淡的胭红。

    月也无声的笼了过来,着一色青辉融于水面,用温润而静寂的夜覆盖在浅浅浮动的雾波上。今夜的月色竟有几分清凉,我呢喃着依于这份静谧,抬首见月儿正驻留在我的上方,投下的光影镀了一层银粉在莲蕊上,愈发的妩媚了。
    风似乎更柔了,只静静地环绕着我,呵护爱怜的气息却使我有些许的眩晕,心中的隐忧星火般灼烧了一下,我这是怎么了,恍惚中一些迷离的影像似要跃出却又嘎然而止,过往的梦境还是遗落的前尘?
    到底是不记得了,何为来处,何为归所,我怎会静立于此?月是那月,赠我媚惑,风是那风,赐我怜惜,我识出了这风月,曾万千眷顾地宠爱着我,如今,依然。
    “我有些迷惑呢,”轻漾着我把疑惑传递给清风,清风不语;循着月光,月儿也有些迷离,不再那么清朗。“告诉我罢,那箫声,令我迷醉的声音,难道不是真的?你们都不曾感觉到?”
    风月竟有片刻的停滞,似乎也在回味那悠长寰旋的清音,那静寂时空里飘逝的点缀。
    月影敛起了光华渐渐退却,风把烟波涌了过来围绕住我,雾霭里已不见水莲,有的是无边的寂寞。

    江畔红桥波心月,玉箫疏影暗香浮。
    落花秋池孑然舞,荠草长亭风笛萧。
    一曲成名,一舞惊魂,已是久远的往事了。有二十四桥的明月为证,那夜的我,当是绝美的――长袖擅睐流云止,玉指翩跹碧泉吟。
    在烟雨阁练习了多久已经不确切了,因为我不记得几岁时就来了这里。从我第一眼见到那青色的竹箫,就迷恋上了。清冷的色泽含着淡淡的竹香,傲挺的枝节又极自然的光洁适手。无缘街舍娇童的憨笑,却也淡了楼阁深锁的孤单,吹箫习舞,习舞吹箫,天真,期许,哀婉,落寞,从烂漫稚子到风华绝代,时间就在箫音舞肆里流逝。
    那夜,我第一次走出院墙来到二十四桥,也第一次正式出演。二十四桥的月清亮柔媚,二十四桥的风清润舒缓,二十四桥的水清幽流畅,二十四桥的柳清瘦婀娜,二十四桥的栏清秀古朴,二十四桥的雾清淡氤蕴。
    那夜,我在二十四桥舞蹈,袒示冷傲里的不羁,放飞粲然下的冷艳,我,是绝美的;那夜,我在二十四桥鸣箫,刺穿孤寂里的隐忍,释放静谧里的妖娆,我,是绝美的――醉了流云玉钩斜依搂,清韵飞箫烟霞碧水游。
    那夜,你来了,吟着“娉娉袅袅十三余,豆蔻梢头二月初。春风十里扬州路,卷上珠帘总不如。”,肆无忌惮的来到我的跟前。早也听说了十年一觉扬州梦,赢得青楼薄幸名的你,只更加的轻狂与倜傥。
    来了,欢喜了,去了,了断了。都言烟花最无情,却又哪里知道这无情的颜面下所不敢期许与付出的真?

    “青山隐隐水迢迢,秋尽江南草未凋。
    二十四桥明月夜,玉人何处教吹箫。”
    你走了,没有再回来,不知可还记挂那于二十四桥吹箫夜舞的女子,可曾知那只旖婉缠绵的洞箫在二十四桥的明月夜永奏着哀怨的恋歌。
    二十四桥的明月朗风,湮没在繁华落尽的烟雨中,却没能湮没了我的期许。
    总想要你一个回眸,我等了一季又一季,流转的人世眷眷地浓缩在相传的箫笛里,一季又一季的清谣,把我的等待静寂如二十四桥的沧桑。
    今夜,桥畔芍药盛艳绝伦。为了祭奠我的相思,为了你的不再迷途,为了这沉寂萧瑟的二十四桥,我播种了芍药于旧日的桥畔,不知你可会喜欢。
    今夜的红芍,一如我那晚的绝美,我知道你来了。
    青衫长袍瘦马关刀,猎猎风尘里,你来了。长箫低泣轻吟,哀婉深情地鸣唱,你静立桥畔,痴狂地聆听着,怅然泪下。

    “淮左名都,竹西佳处,解鞍少驻初程。
    过春风十里,尽荠麦青青。
    自胡马窥江去后,废池乔木,犹厌言兵。
    渐黄昏、清角吹寒,都在空城。
    杜郎俊赏,算而今重到须惊。
    纵豆蔻词工,青楼梦好,难赋深情。
    二十四桥仍在,波心荡冷月无声。
    念桥边红药,年年知为谁生。”

    回眸里的清泪已然了了我凡尘的心愿,飞扬起缈缈的箫音,续一曲《疏影》作别二十四桥的明月清风,红芍翠柳,携一脉《暗香》渐行渐远。
    一切结束了,月儿又从云端潜出,静静地映着皎洁的光芒,风把幻海烟波轻轻吹散,一切又归于寂静。
    一曲天籁划破了长空,静寂里开出嫣然的花,我,水莲,淡淡的散发着馨香。

     




     



  • Rush 匆匆 --- 朱自清

      Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again. Now, you the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return? - If they had been stolen by someone, who could it be? Where could he hide them? If they had made the escape themselves, then where could they stay at the moment?
      燕子去了,有再来的时候;杨柳枯了,有再青的时候;桃花谢了,有再开的时候。但是,聪明的,你告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?——是有人偷了他们罢:那是谁?又藏在何处呢?是他们自己逃走了:现在又到了哪里呢?

      I don’t know how many days I have been given to spend, but I do feel my hands are getting empty. Taking stock silently, I find that more than eight thousand days have already slid away from me. Like a drop of water from the point of a needle disappearing into the ocean, my days are dripping into the stream of time, soundless, traceless. Already sweat is starting on my forehead, and tears welling up in my eyes.
      我不知道他们给了我多少日子;但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。在默默里算着,八千多日子已经从我手中溜去;象针尖上一滴水滴在大海里,我的日子滴在时间的流里,没有声音也没有影子。我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。

      Those that have gone have gone for good, those to come keep coming; yet in between, how swift is the shift, in such a rush? When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun marks its presence in my small room in two or three oblongs. The sun has feet, look, he is treading on, lightly and furtively; and I am caught, blankly, in his revolution. Thus--the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands, wears off in the bowl when I eat my meal, and passes away before my day-dreaming gaze as reflect in silence. I can feel his haste now, so I reach out my hands to hold him back, but he keeps flowing past my withholding hands. In the evening, as I lie in bed, he strides over my body, glides past my feet, in his agile way. The moment I open my eyes and meet the sun again, one whole day has gone. I bury my face in my hands and heave a sigh. But the new day begins to flash past in the sigh.
      去的尽管去了,来的尽管来着,去来的中间,又怎样的匆匆呢?早上我起来的时候,小屋里射进两三方斜斜的太阳。太阳他有脚啊,轻轻悄悄地挪移了;我也茫茫然跟着旋转。于是——洗手的时候,日子从水盆里过去;吃饭的时候,日子从饭碗里过去;默默时,便从凝然的双眼前过去。我觉察他去的匆匆了,伸出手遮挽时,他又从遮挽着的手边过去,天黑时,我躺在床上,他便伶伶俐俐地从我身边垮过,从我脚边飞去了。等我睁开眼和太阳再见,这算又溜走了一日。我掩着面叹息。但是新来的日子的影儿又开始在叹息里闪过了。

      What can I do,in this bustling world,with my days flying in their escape?Nothing but to hesitate,to rush.What have I been doing in that eight-thousand-day rush,apart from hesitating?Those bygone days have been dispersed as smoke by a light wind,or evaporated as mist by the morning sun.What traces have I left behind me?Have I ever left behind any gossamer traces at all?I have come to the world,stark naked;am I to go back,in a blink,in the same stark nakedness?It is not fair though:why should I have made such a trip for nothing!
      在逃去如飞的日子里,在千门万户的世界里的我能做些什么呢?只有徘徊罢了,只有匆匆罢了;在八千多日的匆匆里,除徘徊外,又剩些什么呢?过去的日子如轻烟却被微风吹散了,如薄雾,被初阳蒸融了;我留着些什么痕迹呢?我何曾留着象游丝样的痕迹呢?我赤裸裸来到这世界,转眼间也将赤裸裸地回去罢?但不能平的,为什么偏要白白走这一遭啊?

      You the wise,tell me,why should our days leave us,never to return?
      你聪明的,告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢

      1922.3.28





  • 我信一种直觉,在千山万水后。
    我信一种命运的安排,
    让善良都被赋予了宽容的微笑。
    摊开手掌,
    左手植入阳光,右手就长满微笑,
    生命的经历,原来可以这样的好。
    在红尘之上,审视一段岁月,
    在凡俗之中,看清一面容颜。
    当夜梦覆盖,我曾经无数次祈祷,
    所有的善良和温暖都可以安然入睡。
    手大,大不过点燃生命的太阳,
    心小,却可以长出善良的野草。

    于是,我左手阳光,右手微笑。